So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
