I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
