And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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