I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
