one two three fourrrrnication!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
