I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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