tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize