I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
