I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
