Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
