You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
