I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
