i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
