NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
