Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
