i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
