finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
