I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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