I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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