i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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