Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
