Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
