there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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