Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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