I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
