he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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