Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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