I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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