i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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