wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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