Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
