He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I skipped work to stalk him.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My dick has a subreddit
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize