8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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