I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
