I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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