I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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