My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
