i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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