You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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