The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
