I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
