DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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