I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Randomize
