I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
