He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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