somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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