omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
