i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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