$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
