return my video game
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
