is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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