apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
