So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
