the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
