shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
