New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
