Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
