The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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