It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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