Define "chronic" masturbator.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
