i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
barbara walters just said penis...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
