i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
