I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
