You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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