it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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